The never-funny George Lopez took a stab at fat jokes on his TV show Wednesday, insinuating that Kirstie Alley’s cha cha cha on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” was a bit hammy. Actually, according to Hollywood Gossip, he just blatantly refers to her as a pig: “Before the show she went to the market, and then she had roast beef, and this is her going all the way home (cut to GEICO commercial with the pig going “WEEEEEEEEEEE!” in the back of a sedan).” You could even say the antivirus software alert would be going way off. George Lopez is without a doubt the worst human being alive.
The next day, Lopez had a change of heart and tweeted a generic apology to Alley. But not before the actress turned “Fat Actress” turned celeb-reality show star, had a chance to quip back: “lol…a drunken pig.” And then, when her twitter followers were wondering what the hell she was talking about, Alley added: “Don’t worry about George’s comments…just remember what happens to the big bad, drunk wolf…falls into a pot of boiling vodka. Piggy laughs.” (Does someone have a drinking problem I’m not aware of?)
Let’s face it, commenting on a girl’s weight is rarely taken lightly, nor is it very original. But regardless of comedy ethics, there’s no need to drag unassuming fairy tales into the petty debate, especially if you’re going to butcher them.
As a member of the Fairy Tales Forever Alliance (FTFA), I am morally bound to set the record straight. Despite what Lopez may have you believe, there were five piggies, not one. The first piggy went to the market, the second went home, the third had roast beef, the fourth had none, and the fifth went wee wee wee all the way home. OK? There’s order for a reason, it’s called rhyme.
And I don’t know what Alley is smoking, but there are no drunk pigs in “This Little Piggy,” nor are there wolves. There’s a wolf in “The Three Pigs,” but, unless I’m mistaken, he doesn’t drown in a pot of boiling vodka.
He made a pretty harsh joke about Kirstie Alley…